Day of Hope

Today is Diabetes Hope for a Cure Day.  You're supposed to write hope on your hand and allow yourself for just one day to hope that there will be a cure for diabetes.  Normally I don't get sucked into these things too much because honestly I'm not hopeful.  Progress is being made in both treatment as well as toward a cure.  I can't allow myself to get wrapped up in it though.  Diabetes and the suckiness of it is a part of my daily life.  It's a part of who my son is.  4 years and 5 months since his diagnosis and nothing much has changed.

Last Sunday we had a very scary, dangerous incident with my boy.  He had a seizure from a low blood sugar.  We did everything right.  We didn't make any mistakes.  He seemed to have had a bit of a stomach virus and his blood sugar dropped dangerously low.  We'll never know just how low.  The images of that morning are burned into my memory as well as my husband's.  They have haunted my nightmares.  I am trying to focus on the fact that he is ok now.  I just get a bit panicky thinking about what could have happened.  What if this had happened in the night?  We check his blood sugar twice every night, but there are nights I've forgotten to set the alarm and not woken up.  Children do die.

So to try and get through this ordeal our family went through, I am allowing myself to hope today.  Just today I am going to imagine what life will be like someday for us.  I wonder if I'll still wake up in the night out of habit.  We could be figuring out a way to buy some cool frivolous electronic rather than a piece of medical equipment where we need a $500 deposit and $156/month.  I wouldn't have such an intimate relationship with the school nurse.  I could possibly not shower with my cell phone.  I think the wrinkles and aging are permanent though.

For now, my son is safe.  He is healthy.  What more can I ask for?